How long have you been nursing? I started nursing with my first child in August of 2008. Since then there have been two breaks in nursing, the first in 2012 while pregnant with my third (yes, my first nursed thru my second pregnancy, and then the TWO of them nursed thru part of my third pregnancy), and the second in 2015 while pregnant with my fourth. He’s now three months old and going strong. My first daughter nursed until she was three and a half, my second until she was 15 months old (she stopped at the same time as her big sister – she had never nursed alone), my third when she was three … we’ll see how long this little guy decides to nurse.
What made you decide to breastfeed? I knew breast milk was nature’s perfect food for infants – breastfeeding is a part of our natural design. I do my best to embrace G-d’s perfect design in our lives as much as I am able. Breastfeeding just felt ‘right’ for us, and for the health of my children it was a no-brainer. My mother in law nursed her children and was very supportive, and I really respect her as a woman and a mother so I think her influence made the decision an easy one to make. I have ridiculous body dysmorphia that I’ve struggled with for years, and it always ramps up postpartum. Placenta encapsulation helps with some of that anxiety, but breastfeeding also gives my body PURPOSE. It’s harder to hate on a body that not only grows babies, but keeps them alive with breast milk as well. Whenever I look and the mirror and see something to criticize I can remind myself that I’m feeding a human being, and that my children see my body as a life-giving vessel in all ways. The beauty of that functionality really helps me.
What struggles did you have in the early days of nursing? Oh goodness, ALL the struggles. I had a pretty traumatic birth experience with my first, and received bad advice on nursing from the outset at the hospital. So when we got home, and I was tired, and traumatized, and my milk hadn’t come in yet – I ended up with PPD and had this screaming, hard to nurse little girl. She continued to scream at me for months with colic. We battled oversupply, colic, used a nipple shield I needed due to nipple trauma from a poor latch (caused by undiagnosed tongue tie); we had thrush that was an ongoing nightmare (ended up clearing it out completely with my second child using supplements and dietary changes), dairy sensitivity, mastitis, plugged ducts … you name it, we had it. La Leche saved our nursing relationship many times over. My goal when I was pregnant was to nurse her for two years, as it’s the World Health Organization’s MINIMUM recommended goal … when she was born I was literally counting each day we continued to nurse as a blessing. I was so grateful that I could stay home with her and figure it all out. Once we got good help things settled down and she nursed well past my original goal. That experience taught me that there ARE solutions out there; you just have to seek them out and be persistent. Those early struggles also showed me that it’s so so SO easy to give up on breastfeeding. We don’t have the lifelong exposure to breastfeeding that women get in other cultures – in the US it is the norm for things to not work out, and formula is so readily available. With Judah, my youngest, I realized early on that we were starting down the same road I’d traveled with my first, and I wanted to do something about it quickly. I took him for a chiropractic adjustment at two days old, and it helped a lot – birth is a rough ride – but we also opted to have his tongue-tie revised. Correcting his tie was a minor procedure and it’s made a HUGE difference in our nursing relationship. I’m not in pain and he’s better able to nurse without swallowing air – he’s a super eater now!
Why do you think our society disapproves of something that has been around since the beginning of time? America is a little twisted I suppose. I think as a culture we’re prudish and I think a lot of women aren’t comfortable with nursing because they themselves weren’t supported in that journey. I have this overarching problem with feminism that doesn’t support biology. We don’t respect motherhood in any way. Women aren’t respected in childbirth, they don’t get enough time with their little ones, they’re expected to ‘bounce back’ after having a baby …Women are made to birth and feed babies – it’s just how we’re made. What I see is such a weird desire to CHANGE what we’re biologically designed to do; a desire to ‘free’ women from the presumed constraints of motherhood instead of embracing and celebrating our super amazing ability to birth and nurse. I think the reasons are complicated and annoying, but I’m hopeful that things are changing and that women feel more supported in breastfeeding, or at least more defiant in the face of criticism. Maybe I just live in a bubble 😉
What do you think we could do to encourage more people to nurse their babies? SMILE at nursing women and their babies! Don’t act all awkward and crazy – don’t stare, but be pleasant. Recommend la leche to pregnant mothers; offer POSITIVE support if you can, and keep your mouth shut if you can’t. We have to meet women where they are at and offer encouragement, but we also need to change the conversation. Breastfeeding isn’t BEST for babies; it’s NORMAL for babies. We need to get real with our language around breastfeeding – language changes culture. Exposure to a thing normalizes it. Nursing women, don’t hide yourselves away in bathroom stalls – nurse where you are. On the macro level we need to support legislation that protects the rights of nursing women, support businesses that accommodate their employees by providing clean space for pumping. We can change the cultural perception of breastfeeding with our language, with education, and with exposure.
At what age do you think women should stop nursing their babies/children? Well, we have data that shows benefits to nursing well into toddlerhood, so obviously that’s what I support in an ideal world. We already know that we don’t live in an ideal world, and women should feel good about nursing their babies for however long they are able. If that’s only twelve weeks, then it is what it is and it sure is better than nothing. Heck, a DAY is better than nothing. WHO says a minimum of two years, and the worldwide average weaning age is four – AVERAGE – so obviously some children need to nurse longer than four years. That’s pretty uncommon in the US, but uncommon doesn’t mean unnecessary. Women should stop nursing their children when they and their child are ready to be done.
Would you ever consider milk sharing? Donating, receiving, etc Heck yes! I’ve pumped and donated milk with every baby, and I’ve nursed friends’ babies when they’ve need that. Oversupply is actually really common – when you think about it we’re biologically wired to live in communion with one another, nursing babies as they need it and not just our own. I’ve been able to donate breast milk to friends and fellow mothers whose babies needed it, and I was also able to pump for a close friend’s father, who was dying of cancer. It was something he could keep down and I was grateful to be able to help a person I admired so much. When I was pregnant with my second, my first daughter would make the rounds among our nursing friends – I’m convinced that milk sharing kept her nursing thru that pregnancy.
What do you think it is about nursing a baby that makes people uncomfortable? Mostly, I think people just don’t see nursing that often so they have no idea how to feel about it, or what to do (it’s easy: smile at the mama and her baby, or offer a kind word). People are uncomfortable with things that are unfamiliar, or things they don’t understand, and with things that haven’t worked for themselves. I’m sure some people reflect their own experiences – just like when women say horrible things to pregnant women, like, ‘oh you look huge, you must be miserable etc’ Those kinds of statements or uncomfortable responses come from their own stuff and typically have nothing to do with the woman they’re engaging. I do think our culture completely objectifies women, and that objectification makes normal old biology really uncomfortable for a lot of people. We’re used to seeing magazine covers and ads with half naked women – their bodies being used for the sole purpose of selling something. Women using their OWN BODIES to feed tiny humans looks like a radical act in comparison. I’d love to see that flip – idealistic I’m sure, but wouldn’t that be amazing? I should add that most of my experiences with nursing and other folks have been positive – I’ve rarely received a nasty look or comment. Maybe that’s because when I’m nursing I’m paying attention to my baby and not people around me so I miss out on their crazy; I think it’s more likely that after I got the hang of nursing I’ve been pretty confident about it. I’m just feeding my baby – I don’t assume people will be uncomfortable with it. Whether they are or not isn’t my issue – it’s theirs.
How long do you plan to nurse your baby? We’ll nurse until he no longer has the need, whenever that may be. My goal is always two at a minimum.
How do you deal with people that disapprove of the way you feed your baby? I don’t like confrontation, but I’ll deal with it if I have to – I had a conversation years ago with a family member who was expressing some pretty harsh judgment when my oldest was 15 months old and (obviously) still nursing. I ended up pointing out that this person had never raised any children, that they weren’t well-versed in the science of nursing, they weren’t local and my choices weren’t having an impact on them in any way, and that, most importantly, I didn’t ask their opinion. That was a pretty unpleasant conversation for me, but it made me more mindful of holding my own tongue and while it didn’t change anyone’s mind about nursing, it DID help me to establish a boundary for myself. I do my best not to engage in others’ disapproval. I try in most things to surround myself with people who are supportive, or at least quiet, about my choices. With strangers I don’t really care, because they’re strangers – but disapproval is usually a two way street. While someone close to me may disapprove of my nursing, I also disapprove of some of the choices they make, guaranteed. Hopefully neither one of us acts like a jerk about it!
(This healthy boy obviously loves his mama’s milk!)
The Breastfeeding Project 